How To Live With SAO Characters
by Get off fanfiction now
Summary: If you don't want to be turned into mincemeat, then follow these handy rules!
1. Chapter 1

Hello, world! Inukagomefan, here, reporting live at her desk! Asuna made me make rules for everyone to follow, so prepare for the coup of the century!

Rule Number 1: Is that you gotta have fun!(Using only song quotes to talk is annoying and uncool)

(Nobody could even understand each other, it was just too funny!)

(But I got in BIG trouble when I convinced Kirito to quote a breakup song with Asuna in the same room.)

(Why he actually did it, no idea. But now my crotch hurts…. ;-;)

(Well, Kirito is probably in the ER, so I guess I can't complain.)

Rule Number 2: Asuna death fanfictions are to be made in private rooms, not in public.

(Well, I guess I deserved what happened.)

(So, I was writing my story "Strike The Clock" when I had to do my homework.

(I put down the story, and when I come back, it's gone!)

(Guess who found out?)

(Silica. Out. Of. All. People.)

(She told Klien, Klien told Liz, Liz told Suguha, Suguha told Sinon, and Sinon told Kirito.)

(Asuna wasn't in-game, so I thought I was off the hook, but Kirito had other plans.)

(HE TEXTED HER. FREAKING TEXTED HER.

(Now I can't even look at her without Kirito getting all fussy and defensive.)

(Maybe it has to do with the fact that I told him that it was what happened in the future.)

(I can be so evil sometimes. :D)

Rule Number 3: Birthday parties are banned at Asuna's house

(It takes ONE slip-up by yours truly to ban this.)

(It's a long story…..)

Rule Number 4: Only Argo can call Kirito Kiri. Only Asuna can call Kirito Kirito-Kun. Only Little-Bolt(One of my Oc's, really shy robot cat made out of cardboard) can call him Kazuto-San.

(Argo was not amused, Asuna was offended, Little-Bolt was flustered, and Kirito was confused.)

(What a blockhead.)

Rule Number 5: Using blackmail is mean and not nice.

(Ha! As if that would stop anybody!)

(I have so much blackmail of Kirito and Asuna that I could go on with a list of what I recorded.)

(Asuna: Stella….)

(Stop hacking my computer! I was Jking!)

(Asuna: I'm just checking what you type.)

(Well, stop! It's creepy!)

Rule Number 6: Know who my Oc's are.

(Libra Orion is a yellow smilodon with black spots and a long tail)

(His good traits are Bravery, Cheerful, Understanding, Encouraging, and Passion)

(The issue with the last one is that his passion is lemons.)

(And I don't mean the fruit, oh no I'm not.)

(I mean the STORY. And COMICS.)

(Bad Traits of Libra Orion: Perverted, Hemophobic, can be a bit of a blockhead, will stand up for his ships and declare shipping wars, etc.)

Rule Number 7: Couples, please check what room you're in before doing the stuff like couples do.)

(KIRITO AND ASUNA, THIS MEANS YOU!)

(Me and Libra Orion and Sonic The Werehog and Kirito and Asuna were on vacation.)

(So me and my group went out to a nearby water park.)

(I opened the door, only see said couple….. Well, you know…...)

(I swear Libra Orion's eyes almost popped out of their sockets.)

(They continued without even noticing us for who knows how long)

(We stood there until Asuna saw us. She screamed, then I screamed, and then there was a screaming contest of epic proportions.)

(Nevertheless, we were kicked out of the hotel, because once I explained what was going on, the manager pointed to a sign painted in ugly neon green with a purple background.)

(NO FLUFF ALLOWED IN THIS HOTEL)

(Their shame could be sensed miles away.)

(Asuna now looks away whenever she sees me, and Kirito has been giving me the silent treatment.)

(Well, I don't give crap, because those two are just shameless!)

(Asuna: I THOUGHT YOU WOULDN'T MENTION THIS!)

(Kazuto:...)

Rule Number 8: Panty thief will NOT be tolerated!

(God dammit, whoever is it, stop taking them!)

(Though, it was funny when a random piece of underwear smacked Asuna in the butt)

(Hoo boy! Her eyes went ga-ga with shock! Me and Kirito almost died of laughter.)

(We have yet to find the culprit.)

Rule Number 9: When using sparklers, be aware of your surroundings.

(O.M.G I will never let Kirito hear the end of this.)

(Asuna was tossing around sparklers to celebrate the Fourth of July.)

(When I may or may not have shoved her to make her let go of the sparkler.)

(It was sent flying into the air…)

(Right into Kirito's pants.)

("Hey, does something feel-YEARG!")

(Pretty soon laughter filled the air as Asuna put out the fire.)

(But that soon turned into pure horror.)

(It had burned off his underwear.)

(Lord, PLEASE get those mind-scarring images out of my head!)

Rule Number 10: Kicking a male in the junk is now banned anywhere near Silica.

(What? Girl is too innocent to see that sight!)

(But it's FUN seeing Kirito's face and hearing his high-pitched squeal...)

(Kazuto:...)

(STOP HACKING MY COMPUTER!)

Rule Number 11: Youtube is banned.

(I'm so angry at Sinon!)

(All I wanted to do was to watch Asuna's death scene in the first SAO season.)

(But guess who was spying on me?)

(After she told our famous couple, they wanted to ban youtube.)

(Of course, being a fair-minded person, I peacefully protested.)

(Klien: YOUR idea of peaceful is screaming your head off and chasing people.)

(What is with people hacking my computer?!)

(So after I calmed down, there was a voting.)

(Everyone voted, with Klien, Me, Sonic and Libra Orion on keeping Youtube.)

(Asuna, Kirito, Sinon, and their parents voted no youtube.)

(So now how am I going to watch my Asuna death scenes?!)

(And I have a youtube account!)

(Libra Orion: There's always netflix….)

(NOT THE SAME, LIBRA ORION!)

Rule Number 12: Libra Orion, no showing lemons.

(NO CAPTION NEEDED, ALL IT TAKES IS ONE TIME!)

Rule Number 13: Pornhub is BANNED.

(My search history was hideous!)

(Asuna's scream could be heard for miles.)

Rule Number 14: POKEMON!

(Once I started singing, it was just like the 2000's.)

(Even KIRITO started singing!)

Rule Number 15: Taylor Swift is banned from playing at Asuna's place.

(I knew something was up when Sinon disappeared randomly at a group talk at Asuna's.)

(One moment, it's quiet, the next, Shake It Off is playing at full volume.)

(It got tiring real quick. That's all it played for the next 2 hours.)

(Finally, Sonic had enough, and proceeded to smash the intercom.)

(That poor intercom… D:)


	2. Chapter 2

Rule Number 16: Do not leave lego pieces laying around the floor.

(Liz tripped on the the other day, and normally, that wouldn't be a reason to ban legos.)

(But she landed on Kirito, and they ending up kissing.)

(It was hard telling Yui that she couldn't play with them anymore.)

(DO YOU KNOW HOW SAD THOSE EYES LOOKED?!)

Rule Number 17: Barney The Dinosaur can not be used to torture people.

(Apparently, Nobi did more than just try to sexually abuse Asuna.)

(I have never seen an 17-18 year old woman running away from a imaginary purple dinosaur.)

(My sides still hurt from laughter.)

Rule Number 18: Do not quote Blue Exorcist.

(Good lord, I love that show!)

"What about my mineral water?"( Kirito said that to Asuna while laying on the couch with some chips. Asuna then started a rant about how she is not a personal slave and 'to go get his own mineral water'.)

"I'm going to defeat Satan!"(Really, Klein?)

"Even if you hate me, I still like you a lot!"( Our happy couple one day had a fight, and just as it was getting ugly, Asuna blurted this line out. She and Kirito then hugged for 30 minutes. I regret shipping those two together *gags*)

"I'll use my flames for a better purpose!"(Suguha, you don't even have fire magic. This is NOT Fairy Tail!)

Rule Number 19: Also, no quoting Miraculous Ladybug.

(I don't care that it's a show for kids! Ladybug is badass. And Chat Noir is a senpai of mine.)

"Tikki, spots on!"(No, Asuna, you do not have a miraculous. Though that WOULD be awesome, yet terrifying.)

"Plagg, claws out!"(I was sent to the mental ward afterwards, which is unfair! Asuna didn't get sent, and SHE said spots on!)

"If by brave, you mean bossy, feisty, and bold? Yep, that's_!"(I can't really think of anything funny to say since IT'S NOT FUNNY. IT GOT REAL OLD REAL FAST.)

"Bug out!"(Daw, it was SO cute whenever Yui leaves the room. Though Sonic doesn't approve.)

"Call me crazy, but I feel like bird seed all of a sudden."(For the rest of the week, Suguha was called crazy.)

Rule Number 20: Never send Asuna on a blind date.

(Kirito got PISSED when he found out.)

(We had to bail him out of the county jail.)

(That poor sap never stood a chance.)

Rule Number 21: Never make fun of your friends boobie size, then proceed to feel each other up, comparing them.

(Poor Asuna is always the victim of these kinds of things.)

(At this point, I think Silica has lost her innocence.)

Rule Number 22: Don't shout random things in the school cafeteria.

"Yay! Vomit and Peas for everyone!"

(Liz started choking on her lunch.)

(Ironically enough, on peas.)

Rule Number 23: Keep Red Bull away from me.

(I don't even remember what happened, but Sinon said I chased her with a baseball bat screaming,"DEATH TO ALL PINEAPPLES!")

(Kirito then proceeded to knock me out.)

(My head still hurts.)

Rule Number 24: When engaged in battle in Alfheim, singing 'Let the bodies hit the floor" as you are killing your opponents while laughing insanely will make everyone question your sanity.

(I almost busted a gut when Kirito said that.)

(The Salamanders ran away in fear.)

(Not that I blame them.)

Rule Number 25: Annoying Asuna is not advised.

(Unless you want to get a kick in a crotch.)

(Kirito's scream almost shattered my eardrums.)

(Oww…)

Rule Number 26: Threatening to kill somebody is bad. Threatening to kill anyone of Kirito's friends is REALLY BAD. Threatening to kill Yui is WORSE.

"Sometimes I want to strangle that little witch!"

(Sinon wasn't seen again for a week.)

Rule Number 27: No bothering Libra Orion when he is in a bad mood.

( Here are the list of injuries.)

(Sinon had a broken nose, Kirito had a black eye, a new scar on my nose for me, Silica got scraped knees and elbows, and Asuna got sent to the ER.)

(To this day, Libra Orion has been frowned upon.)

Rule Number 28: Never run around in circles screaming, "THE CAKE IS A LIE!" over and over again till you faint.

(Once again got mentally checked.)

(I passed!)

Rule Number 29: Horror movies are forever banned.

(Asuna kept on waking me up because she would have these nightmares that would wake her up. Kirito would have to comfort her, but even then she usually stayed up for the rest of the night.)

(THANKS A LOT, JASON!)


	3. Chapter 3

Note: Thanks Luchux for Rule 31!

Rule Number 30: No more quoting Fairy Tail!

(Omg, Nalu!)

"I'm all fired up!"(Of course it would be KIRITO who said that. Silica thought he meant something 'else"*ahem*.)

"We'll stop it, even if my body crumbles to bits I'll stop it with my soul!(...Asuna, it was just a BUG.)

"I am, as you say, a skeleton, and I have been for quite a while."(I never knew Klien's vocal cords could reach those frequencies.)

Rule Number 31: Saying Lingering Will to any KH players in the gang is banned.

(I don't even play KH, but when I saw Lingering Will, I thought, "Why not?")

(As it turns out, not one player had even heard of Lingering Will, and I gave them a BIG spoiler)

(Who wotta thunk that Silica can have such an impressive death glare?)

(Kirito raging WAS an amusing sight.)

Rule Number 32: "Mommy, are you daddy's bitch?"

(I froze on the spot.)

(Kirito choked on his sandwich.)

(Asuna had a blank expression. "And who told you this?")

(Then the little bugger pointed at me.)

(Guess what happened next.)

Rule Number 33: Calling Kirito "The Harem King" is not advised.

(As if things couldn't get more worse/funny from Kirito's facial expression, Asuna chose the perfect time to come in.)

(The happy face and the unusually sweet smile she had only told me that something bad was going to happen.)

(Mainly to me.)

(I am scarred for life.)

Rule Number 34: Calling Kirito "Jesus-Kun" is also not advised.

(After I got punished for calling him the harem king, I gave him a new nickname!)

(But that didn't slide, because once Silica found out….)

("Kirito-san is the next Jesus?!")

(Not sure what to do, I tried to play the blame game.)

(Only get get all the blame pinned on me.)

Rule Number 35: Reading fanfiction is banned.

(I was in a dirty mood, so I pulled up a Kirisuna lemon.)

(And at one part, I laughed at a expression that the author used.)

(Well, little did I know, that Yui was reading over my shoulder the entire time.)

(I may have ruined her innocence.)

(And I got beat up for the 4th time that day.)

(Though I will forever snicker at Kirito and Asuna's faces when Yui told them all she had learned from me.)

Rule Number 36: Flirt with Asuna, and you will die.

(Poor Klien…..*shakes head* He never learns…..).

Rule Number 37: If a room says "Do Not Enter", DO NOT ENTER!

(I was expecting to scare somebody, not see Kirito and Asuna having a heated make-out session!)

("Holy mother of all bananas!)

(Then Kirito slowly turned around to glare at me.)

(You can be sure that I got my ass out of there before thing got ugly!)

Rule 38: Don't show "2 girls, 1 cup".

(Asuna fainted.)

(Kirito retched out the contents of his stomach.)

(Klien let out a high pitched yell and ran out screaming.)

(Silica….. Well, let's not go there.)

(Sinon's eyes widened and widened till they were the size of dinner plates.)

(We haven't seen her since.)

(I had to cover Yui's eyes for the most part!)

Rule Number 39: Everybody do the flop!

(Funny enough, Liz tripped just as I said that.)

(When I said it again, Asuna tripped.)

(Soon enough, everybody was doing the flop because I kept on saying it.)

(There were a lot of broken noses that day.)

Rule Number 40: Just because you use fancy words, it doesn't mean that your smart.

(As stated from Kirito.)

(Yeesh, can't a girl act smart for a couple minutes?)

Rule Number 41: Quoting Inuyasha is not allowed. Period.

(I will never get enough of Kagome!)

"In that case, I have a favor to ask of you: please bear my child."(That one case where Klien flirting with Asuna was FUNNY.)

"Stop treating me like a dog!" (Kirito indirectly quoted this when I told to 'go fetch the bone'.)

"Note to self: Ignore those little voices." (This will get you sent to the mental ward.)'

"Never get on the wrong side of a cat."(Libra Orion is the perfect example of this. Take the time that he clawed Silica for knocking over his can of beans.)

"Um… There's a monkey on your head."(I died when Kirito said that.)

Rule Number 42: Don't say, "HEADSHOT!",when fighting Salamanders.

(I'm surprised that they attacked us after Kirito went nuts on them.)

(I was in a good mood, so I shot one of them in the head. While laughing insanely.)

(Once again, my sanity was questioned.)

Rule Number 43: Once again, no quoting Miraculous Ladybug!

(I bet nobody is going to listen to this rule.)

"Hmm, a cake derpy hat. Stylish and Tasty."(Kirito is going to kill me one of these days.)

"What? What did you expect me to say? Hey hot stuff, this is _. I'd ask you out on a date to a movie, but I've got such a crazy crush on you that the only way that I can talk to you without foaming at the mouth is over this stupid phone."(Hilariously enough, Sugura said that in right in front of a whole crowd. In front of Recon of course.)

" I don't need a poem when I can tell her to her face... I love you."(Daw, I just die of cuteness when Kirito said that to Asuna!)

Happy Late Valentines Day, Everyone!

"


End file.
